


King Goatee

by nosypert



Category: Pundit RPF, Pundit RPF (US), Real News RPF
Genre: Alias Theodore Charbonier, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Brother's Grimm, Fairy Tale Retellings, Fairy Tales, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosypert/pseuds/nosypert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anderson has to work because his family is broke after he refused to marry a rich guy. Keith is one of those rich guys.<br/>(This is loosely based on the Grimm fairy tale "King Thrushbeard".)</p>
            </blockquote>





	King Goatee

**Author's Note:**

> Marie Olbermann's (Keith's mother) maiden name was Charbonier. Keith's second first name is Theodore, named after his father.

Gloria Vanderbilt had steered her family through many problems but the economic crisis had thrown her family into a debt of hundreds of millions of dollars even a family as rich as them couldn't withstand. She had no choice but to sell most of the family's possessions and shares in companies. However, there was one big chunk of shares in a sporting goods company that she just couldn't sell because nobody wanted to take on the debt that came with it. Unfortunately the debt was high enough that it would bankrupt her family if she didn't sell it soon.

Under these circumstances Gloria had decided to do the only thing that might save her family.

"You want to marry me off?" Anderson was shocked. He had spent his whole life in the finest circles of high society. Marriages of convenience weren't uncommon at his level but his mother had always given him the room to decide for himself. "I have no choice my dear. Only a marriage to another rich family can help us now and you're the only single child I have left. All others are already married."

"But I don't inherit anything. Nobody will want to marry me with that much debt."

"Darling, the Vanderbilt name still has weight in this country. The privilege alone will draw many suitors." She took him into her arms and stroked his cheek. "And don't forget how beautiful you are. You will be able to choose from many men." She kissed him on the forehead. "I want you to be happy, Anderson. Please do this for me."

"Ok", he whispered.

He wished there was anything he could do to solve their problems but the truth was he had always taken their wealth for granted. Occasionally he worked as a model and he had studied arts at Yale but none of that had made him rich. And then the banks crashed and most of their money had been wiped out.

He couldn't blame his mother for this. Unfortunately he was unable to fake interest or feelings. He wouldn't be able to marry someone unless his heart was in it. A marriage without love would only lead to disaster. At least he wasn't forced to marry a woman.

A few days later the marriage broker sent them the first candidate profiles. Anderson met with some of them. The younger men turned out to be spoiled brats or too stupid to be bearable. The older men on the other hand had horrible views of the poor and middle income people or wanted Anderson only as their sex toy.

The morning after one of these horrible dates, Anderson walked into his mother's office. She was just talking to another man, making a date for them. "This weekend would be wonderful. Anderson will be delighted to go see the Book of Mormon with you." Anderson mouthed "Who is it?" She pushed the profile towards him. 'Keith Olbermann, born January 27 1959' Oh great. Another old guy. He was getting sick only thinking about what this one would try to get in his pants. The photo was a bit older. Clearly the man had not sent an updated photo because he was ugly.

"Excuse me for one second", Gloria said and pressed the mute button. "He seems very nice. And the musical is a big hit, I've heard. I'm sure you two will have a nice time." She smiled encouragingly. "He would be a perfect fit. He has an empire of sport related companies. He might even make the company profitable again." Anderson sat down, accidentally unmuting the phone without noticing.

"Mom, this photo is old. I'm sure he's fat and ugly. Just look at his beard. He has a goatee. Who has a goatee today? Only porn stars and perverts. I'll be lucky if he doesn't try to molest me in the dark when we watch the musical. Look at the press. They even call him 'King Goatee'." He laughed derisively. "What a loser." "Anderson!" His mother looked shocked at him. Suddenly they heard the phone click. Mr. Olbermann had hung up. Gloria looked at the phone, horrified. "Oh my god, Anderson, he heard everything." Anderson had the decency to look ashamed. "I'm sorry." Gloria was angry. "Anderson Hayes Cooper, your father and I have not raised you to be mean to others. I've talked to him. He sounded intelligent and well educated. And you have insulted him without even meeting him. You judged him only based on a photo and on press gossip. I don't want to see you again today."

Anderson retreated to his room. He was hurt. His mother didn't understand. She wasn't the one who would have to live with one of those men. She had four marriages out of love. It was unfair. He deserved better.

Five months later they ran out of candidates. None of the men were good enough for Anderson. Gloria had reached the end of her patience. Obviously her son hadn't understood the severity of the crisis. She was bitterly disappointed. She had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. Maybe she could get Mr. Olbermann to buy the shares anyway. She told her assistant to get job offers for Anderson. He had to stand on his own feet from now on.

After her assistant returned, she called Anderson into her office. He was standing, fidgeting with his clothes while she looked at him from behind her desk. "Since you failed to choose a husband, I have to declare bankruptcy. I can no longer support you; therefore I got some job offers for you. You will do the first job that I choose. Your bank account has enough money in it to find a hotel room until you can afford an apartment. You can't stay here. The house will be sold as well." She blindly grabbed one of the folders, stood up and gave it to him. Gloria kissed him on the cheek and whispered "Goodbye." She left before he could see her tears.

At first he stood, frozen to the spot. Then he sat down at the desk and opened the folder. It only had one sheet of paper in it. It read "Job: Assistant in a baseball card shop, Brooklyn, NYC, NY; salary: $760 per month; Contact: Theodore Charbonier" There was a phone number. He dialed it. A man answered. "Hello, I'm Anderson Cooper, am I speaking to Mr. Charbonier?" "Yes, Mr. Cooper, what can I do for you?" "I'm calling for the assistant's job." "Oh yes, please come by the shop tomorrow morning. Is 9 am ok for you?" "Yes, yes, perfect. See you tomorrow. Bye." "Goodbye." He was sure he wouldn't get the job. He was never interested in sports and didn't know anything about baseball. But he would try his best. That much he owed his mother. And then he had to find another job. Maybe he could model again.

He packed clothes and a few other things he would need and checked into a nice hotel. He surfed the internet and learned everything about baseball cards he could find. Mr. Olbermann featured in a lot of the articles. He had even written some of them. He thought about apologizing to him and convincing him to save his mother but he was sure Mr. Olbermann wouldn't speak to him after what he had said.

He was scared but he wasn't going to give up. He would make it up to his mother once he was a famous model. He fell asleep dreaming of Milan and Paris.

The next morning he dressed casual but with a jacket. A suit wasn't the right choice for a baseball card shop. The shop was easy to find and he happily recognized some of the cards and players in the window. An older man with grey hair and glasses greeted him from behind the counter when he entered. "Welcome to the Charbonier baseball card shop. We just got the new packs today. Or would you like one of our treasures for special collectors?" "I'm Anderson Cooper. I'm here for a job interview?" "Oh, yes, Mr. Cooper. You're early. Please follow me into my office." The office was a small room in the back. There was barely enough space for both of them. Mr. Charbonier was much taller than Anderson and looked much more overweight from the side than from the front. They sat down at a small kitchen table. "Can I offer you something to drink?" "No thank you." "Ok. What are your experiences and interests in baseball cards, Mr. Cooper." "I'll be honest, Mr. Charbonier. I have never worked in a baseball card shop before and I know almost nothing about baseball or cards. But I need a job and that's why I'm here." "Hm. I like your honesty." He smiled. "You got the job." "What? I got it?" "Yes. But I can't use you as an assistant. You'll sell card packs in Yankee Stadium before the games. You don't have to know much for that. Of course your salary will be only $400 per month but you'll get bonuses for selling more than your quota. Oh and please call me Theodore, Anderson." Anderson agreed to the offer. He didn't think he would have to do it for long anyway. He would call a few of his friends and find a better job in no time. He wouldn’t start until the next day, so he called his friends.

Once they learned of his fate they were very sympathetic but none of them had a job for him. Only two of them invited him for lunch during the next week.

Anderson had dressed casually for the job. Theodore met him in the stadium where he explained the different packs and prices to him. "It's all on the list in case you forget." "Thanks." With that he was left alone at his small counter. He was a bit nervous. He had never had this much interaction with people. But the fans were nice and eager to buy the packs. Some women just bought cards to flirt with him. At the beginning of the game he had almost sold everything. He had a big smile plastered across his face. Maybe he was good at selling things.

He didn't have to work the next day so he had lunch with a friend. He talked excitedly about his success but only earned pity. He couldn't understand the reaction. Of course he didn't want to do this forever but he had no choice since he couldn't get another job.

The next week there was no game in New York so he was helping in the shop. He stocked shelves and learned a lot about baseball and cards from Theodore. He even had invited Anderson to watch two games on TV at his apartment on Thursday. They had developed a nice friendship over the few days. Theodore was a good listener. Anderson had talked to him about his life and had gotten only understanding and support, not pity. Anderson had bought some cheap beer for their little baseball watch party. Theodore provided the barbecue from his small electric grill. He also explained what was happening in the game. Anderson was watching Theodore watching the game more than he watched the game itself. The way he spoke passionately even about small things was intriguing. The second game went long into the night and Theodore invited him to stay in his guest bedroom. He immediately said yes. He liked Theodore. He had never felt so comfortable with his friends. 

When Saturday came around he was selling baseball card packs in front of Citi Field. This time he wasn't so lucky. There were only a few buyers and after half an hour he had almost been overrun by a group of cyclists. A little later he was attacked by a drunk. Some of his packs had been stolen in the chaos.

Luckily Theodore wasn't too angry. He had cut Anderson's salary to pay for the stolen packs and put him on shop duty. He knew enough about baseball cards by now to at least tell customers where to find them and answer simple questions. Four days later Theodore had to go on a business trip for a week. He left Anderson in charge but not without his phone number for emergencies.

Anderson managed to not ruin the business in the first five days but on the sixth the seller who was supposed to replace him in Yankee Stadium got sick and Anderson had to sell them again.

It just so happened that he saw a big limousine parking in the garage when he unloaded. Curious, he talked to the driver. He told him this was Keith Olbermann's limousine. "You know, King Goatee."

Anderson finally saw his chance to apologize for his comments. Once the game started and he had safely stored all his materials in the van, he went up to the luxury boxes during the lunch they served for Mr. Olbermann and his guests. It wasn't difficult for him to blend in as a waiter. He threw on a white jacket and took a plate. The rest was more acting like he knew what he was doing.

They put the food into a special room. The guests hadn't entered yet, so Anderson tried to busy himself with decoration and other things. Only 10 minutes later the box emptied into the lunch room. When Anderson saw Keith, he froze. Except for the goatee he looked exactly like Theodore. Keith turned and saw Anderson look at him. He went pale. That was all the confirmation Anderson needed. He ran back to his car and drove home.

He felt betrayed. Keith had played this other character probably just to fool him. He even had pretended to be his friend. He felt humiliated. Worst of all he had no other job. The next morning he went to work as usual. He had no choice. He had to swallow his pride. Keith was waiting for him. Anderson stopped him before Keith could say something. "Mr. Olbermann I have to apologize to you. I didn't mean to insult you over the phone. I'm sorry for what I said. It was prejudiced and wrong. I hope you can forgive me. My mother had nothing to do with this. I hope you still consider buying her shares."

"Thank you, Anderson. I accept your apology. You hurt me very much that day but I realized you weren't talking about me. You didn't know anything about me. I never blamed your mother. She is a great lady. In fact I have proposed to buy all her shares. I'll meet her Wednesday to talk about it." Anderson was relieved.

"What did you do this charade for?"

"When I heard your mother would throw you out and make you work for a living, I convinced her assistant that it would be best to leave you in my care. This way I would make sure nothing bad would happen to you and you would learn to appreciate work."

Anderson was torn between hating Keith for patronizing him and appreciating the effort to do all this just for him. "Was any of this real?" He was sure Keith would understand the question. Were any of the feelings real? "Yes", Keith answered, closing the distance between them. "I really like you, Anderson. And I" He adjusted his glasses and Anderson realized for the first time that Keith was as nervous as he was. "I'd really like to have that date with you. You know, watching Book of Mormon." "I'd like that."

A year later they married in a big, glamorous ceremony and Anderson was able to buy back all his family's possessions. And they lived happily ever after.


End file.
